I Don't Like You Either

The Daily Show: Even More Growing Anger at AIG

What? Hiatuses happen. Anyway, we're back and with a vengeance.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
The Notorious AIG - Congress Wants to Blame Someone
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Daily Show Full Episodes Important Things w/ Demetri Martin Political Humor

Department of Valedictions: Lefty Bloggers Reflect on W

Did you know that Bush is still president?  It's true.  BUT NOT FOR VERY MUCH LONGER.

Bloggenfreude at Agitprop mourns W's passing.  "We will never see his like again."

As a lefty blogger, I will miss him. Sure he’s a dangerous sociopath, a pathological liar, and a national embarrassment.  But he’s also The Decider, The Commander Guy, and Commander Codpiece.  Think about that as January 20, 2009 approaches....

The photographic tributes are particularly choice.  We recommend clicking.

Snark O' the Day: Roy Edroso's Top Stupid Wingnut Moments for 2008

Roy Edroso posts his "top 10 stupid right-blogger tricks" for 2008 at The Village Voice.  An excerpt:

Pop stars made a video for Obama and the American Spectator compared it to Triumph of the Will. National Review called Obama's national service plan the "Obama Youth." Obama spoke in Germany, and Melissa Clouthier compared his signage to that of the Third Reich.

Jonah Goldberg said liberals only liked Obama because they didn't know any real (that is, poor and dangerous) black people; Taranto said Democrats were intimidated into nominating him, as an old lady might be intimidated into surrendering her purse to a mugger.

Snark O' the Day: How Much do Conservatives HATE AMERICA? Sadly, No! (& Its Commentariat) Attempts to Answer

All during the campaign we kept hearing from Sarah Palin that Obama and his supporters didn't think about America the same way she and the morons who voted for her aspire to think of it or give it the same blind love and loyalty that the wingnuts claim to give it.  In a way, this is true.  We think it's the duty of the citizen of a democracy to place democratic ideals before blind loyalty and that "tough love" is required to keep the country on the right path. 

Joel Stein, who---at least when writing in character--- is a conservative's idea of a liberal, may or may not understand this.   Affecting to speak for all liberals, he said:

Sure, we liberals claim that our love is deeper because we seek to improve the United States by pointing out its flaws. But calling your wife fat isn’t love. True love is the blind belief that your child is the smartest, cutest, most charming person in the world, one you would gladly die for. I’m more in ‘like’ with my country.”

Conservatives had a field day with this, ingenuously taking him at his word and assuming that he is infallible on the subject of liberalism and is appointed by all liberals to speak for them.  And so Clif at Sadly, No! thoughtfully compiled a list of all the things those America-lovin' wingnuts HATE HATE HATE!!!!! about their country.

A Wingnut Marital Aid: Dennis Prager Gives Holiday Sex Tips to Ladies Married to (A Seasonal Snarkfest!)

Yes, it was four days ago that we first tried to ignore this piece by Dennis Prager  [When a Woman Isn't in the Mood: Part I] because we have our own sex lives to think of and we can't afford to have Prager get all mixed up in those thoughts, but at last we decided we had a duty to ourselves to round up the best of the snark generated from Prager's cornucopia. 

It is, after all, a cornucopia filled with highly mockable phallacies (though we have our own thoughts about the "copia" part of the "cornu" in question).

Sadly, many of our favorite cruel bloggers didn't cover this because it came out on December 23.  (We can't WAIT for When a Woman Isn't in the Mood:  Part 2.)   Everyone can play!

Snark O' the Day: World O' Crap Reviews a Review Coulter's Latest [ Guilty]

Er, Coulter?  Ann Coulter?  Oh.  Yeah.  We remember Ann Coulter.

Ann’s wardrobe consists entirely of black cocktail dresses from ”Skanks ‘R Us.”  You know, the title of her book reminds me of that pretentious Calvin Klein perfume ad from the ’80’s with the slogan, “If obsession is a sin, let me be guilty.”  In Ann’s case, I guess the line would be, “If an obsession with demonizing half the country is a sin, let me be guilty, and then send me to Gitmo for the rest of my life.”  Ah, Coulter, the smell of it.  Smells like tobacco breath, stale gin, and desperation.

More Awards! GoLeft TV Chooses ALL of Fox News as "Media Moron of the Year" for the War on the "War" on Christmas

Via Video Cafe, this gift of seasonal awesomeness: 

Transcript is over here.

Best O' Wingnut Douchebaggery 2008: Vote Now for the Year's Greatest Smears (& Blots); Bonus Poll: Vote for Your Favorite Right-Wing Loathly Hag

by Teh Nutroots | WHICH WINGNUT NOMINEE SHOULD WIN EACH OF THESE COVETED AWARDS FROM THE POOR MAN'S INSTITUTE?

Chickenhawk of the Year:

We are talking about rhetorical courage, the puffed-chest bravado and keyboard-rattling grandiloquence from which true heros are made.  Whether they are warning off the Moorish hordes, threatening to start a civil war if they don’t get their way, fearlessly yelling racial slurs from behind a pseudonym on the internet, or steadfastly proclaiming their indomitable will to continue blabbing on about all the super-butch things they’d do if only they hadn’t already made plans to play Starcraft, these Warriors of Words are truly our last line of defense against not having to listen to them.(The Poor Man)

Department of Valedictions: Meanwhile, Kristol Waves a Fond Farewell to Cheney....

Cheney is a douchebag wrapped in an enigma and dipped in a mystery, but Bill Kristol is still just a douchebag.  Amazingly, Fox News viewers and others still listen to him, proving that what we suspected about them all along is TRUE.

From Think Progress, this delightful wingnuttery on the half-shell:

Department of ValeDICKtions: Dick Cheney---Going Out with a Growl, Not a Whimper

We're all caught up in holiday activities at the moment, but who could resist all these cherishable Cheney moments?  Certainly not us.   It's just the right time for the Anti-Claus!

As Jon Stewart has so rightly said, we don't know Dick.  Yes, he's still douchebag wrapped in an enigma and dipped in a  mystery! And---in the immortal words of the Turtles, c. 1960-something---the more we see, the more we see there is to see! 

So it seems Dick Cheney, Man of Mystery, had quite the little gabfest on Fox News:

WALLACE: Did you tell Senator Leahy, “bleep yourself”?

CHENEY: I did.

WALLACE: Any qualms, second thoughts, or embarrassment?

CHENEY: No, I thought he merited it at the time.... (Think Progress)

Dennis Prager Wants Minorities to Apologize for The Sins of Fellow Minorities

Apparently, in Prager's universe white Christians, especially white Christian males, are always apologizing.  Who knew? 

Prager thinks it's about time for minorities to "express shame."  Prager himself, as you can see, has none.  

Clif at Sadly, No! sees this one off in Town Hall of Shame.

Basically it appears that Prager thinks that individual members of minority groups should apologize for the bad things that other members of that group did which forced the majority to enact discriminatory laws against the entire minority group and then feel vaguely guilty years later for doing so....

Dept of Valedictions: It's Herbert Hoover Time! or, Even Dick Cheney is Sometimes Right

Via HuffPost:

Senate Republicans' dramatic revolt against a White House-backed auto industry rescue plan is fraught with political risk.

InstaSnark: The Media & the Wingnuts Play: Connect! the!! Blago-Obama Dots!!!...

...which are, of course, in completely different coloring books. Meanwhile, the Left just laughs the bitter laughter of adults who have seen it all before because OF COURSE everyone knew it was coming, even though it is all so stupid, so stupid and transparent, so stupid and transparent and bogus, and yet full of wingnutty media-fuelled portentousness and pomposity.

Whiskey Fire: BREAKING: The Untold Story of the Blagojevich Corruption Scandal! (Did Anyone Say... WILLIAM AYERS!?)

Edroso: Times Pretends to Believe Blago is Trouble for Obama

Sadly, No!: They’ll Get To That Part Later

Sadly, No!: Blago Bung¹ [another shorter Michelle Malkin]

The Poor Man: Blagwater

Attackerman:  Oh, My.  He's So Gangster

Lawyers, Guns, & Money:  Gangster - The Rod Blagojevich Story

Rising Hegemon:  Lincoln Isn't Spinning, He's Snickering

Balloon Juice: Make It Stop

Balloon Juice: Sometimes Doing the Right Thing Pays Off

The Rude Pundit:  Note to Republicans and the Media: We Don't Care About Obama and Blagojevich

The Heretik:  I Swear

Olbermann: They're All the Worst Person in the World

Keith Olbermann hits "the conservative trifecta," says Danny Shea, with O'Reilly winning the gold medal, Hannity winning the silver, and Will coming in last with the bronze.

Bill Ayers on "Hardball"

Here's "the washed-up old terrorist," as McCain called him, speaking for himself but also with strange prescience.  Highlights:

Asked about his reaction to Palin's "palling around with terrorists remark, Ayers said: "I thought it was outrageous and profoundly dishonest, and I chose not to react to it at the time."

Ayers added, "I was on a board with President-Elect Obama, we did live in the same neighborhood, but the dishonesty of the narrative is that if you can place two people in the same room or prove that they took a bus downtown together, that they're somehow responsible for one anothers politics, policies, outlook, and behavior, and that seems to me to be patently absurd."

Tweety concluded that  "Ayers is a changed man." Uh, as Jason Linkins said, make of that what you will.

Ride the Wayback Pony: The 10 Worst Prognostications of 2008

William Kristol made number 1, with his prediction that Hill had the Democratic nomination all sewed up. Kristol is, of course, reliably wrong, which is why we love him so.  Cockney Robin wrote a piece back in 2007 deconstructing Kristol's "Why Bush Will be a Winner" that still makes us laugh out loud.  (Naturally, we're laughing at Kristol rather than with him).

But our personal favorite, which ranks number 2, will remain forever and always Jim Cramer.

H/t to Wall Street Jackass---whose tagline ("This is me not listening to you") we can only envy---for the link.

The Daily Show: Blagojevich--What Isn't He Being Charged With?

Jon Stewart:  "Rod Blagojevich is quickly going from being a sleazy politician to something out of a 19th century German children's fable."  

Corruption:  an Illinois tradition!

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

(D-IL) Weed

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Rove & O'Reilly: The Dire Economy is Just a Media Ploy to Make Obama Look Better Than Bush

So...we can all stop worrying.  Santa Claus WILL come down your chimney as usual with his bag full of toys for your kids and a new job and a new mortgage for you!  There WILL be presents under your tree and a turkey dinner (with razzleberry dressing) on your table! 

Would Papa Bear or Karl Rove misrepresent the facts?

Think Progress has thoughtfully published a transcript:

Snark O' the Day: Neocons Want Barry O. to Fix Everything Bush Broke

Suddenly, it's our problem and only our problem.  They'll just stand on the sidelines and jeer.  If they had any constructive ideas, or anything like a solution, we'd have heard them back when it mattered.

From Father Tyme at  BlondeSense:

Ain’t it just curious now with the NeoCon and Republican roaches braving the light of day, that all of a sudden they profess concern about, oh, food quality, health items, housing, jobs...ethics...etc.?

The Department of Valedictions Daily Show Threefer (Dec. 2006): When Bush Was in "Listening Mode" About Iraq

In celebration of Gen. Shinseki's selection, let us ride the Wayback Pony to that later time when everyone knew he was right.  Rumsfeld wanted to take his hand off the bicycle seat; Bush wanted to hear "from as many ideas and opinions as possible." And he wasn't going to stop fighting and put diplomats on the ground till all violent means were utterly exhausted!

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Mess O'Potamac - Listen, Bush Will

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Dept of Valedictions: Rove Plans to Call Out Bush Haters in His New Book; PLUS!! Bonus Harry Shearer Music Video ("Rove" Sings "Turd Blossom Special")

We've been trying very hard not to think about the "Bush legacy project," since its very existence defies common sense, decency, geometry, and reality.  We're afraid of getting sucked into some GOP black hole of revisionism and coming out on the other side in a world like Camazotz in A Wrinkle in Time where everything is controlled by "Bush's Brain" and all the moms stay home, the dads all go to work, and everyone does everything in exactly the same way and at the same time, all the time. And (channeling Berke Breathed now) is compelled every Sunday to attend the Christianist Church of his or her choice (no Quakers on Bush World).

Snark O' the Day: Christmas Comes Early for the Constitution (The Talking Dog)

Yes, now that Bush doesn't need them anymore, the Supremes will finally take a look at the limits on the executive's powers in what The Talking Dog calls "the second most important case of our lives."

Peggy Noonan: "At Least Bush Kept Us Safe" (A Wall Street Christmas Carol)

Peggy Noonan hasn't seen any sign yet of this "recession" thing everyone keeps banging on about---her corner of the world looks pretty comfy and business-as-usual and full of affluent Christmas shoppers to her---and she and her ilk are feeling a bit nervous because now that Bush is going, some menace or threat might saw off the branch on which their designed-by-Hermes silk cocoons are suspended and crush their way of life under its collective heel.  

Prop 8: The Musical

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Why Do the Wingnuts Rage?

Roy Edroso has a theory:

As they're big on displacement, whenever some atrocity occurs wingers accuse liberals of showing insufficient outrage. It's not so much a policy prescription as an accusation of psychological unfitness because, though we agree that we would rather kill terrorists than let them kill us, we don't express it in blood-curdling howls...

InstaSnark

Heh.  Indeed.

Heh heh.  INDEED.

UGH.  Um---::suppressing gag reflex::--- indeed.

Only Obama can save us from the disappointment of Bill Richardson's beardlessness and "the Curse of Taft."  But will he act in time? 

The Wall Street Jackass ("This is me not listening to you") saves Bush the trouble of writing his own resume....

Speaking of Wall Street and jackasses, Blue Texan discusses Noonan's post hoc ergo propter hoc argument that at least Bush kept us safe, except of course--as he points out---for the people in New Orleans' 9th Ward during Katrina and the kids we sent to Iraq and Afghanistan.   P.S.  At her "sparkling" GOPfest, she still could not see the foreclosure signs.  Walk her out in the morning dew, this morning.

Concern Troll Olympics!  Read 'em all!  Collect 'em!  Trade 'em with your friends!

In the Great White North, Jeff Fecke heralds the coming of a new right wing douchebag.

Snark O' the Day: The Supremes to Consider the Obama Birth Certificate "Controversy

Bark Bark Woof Woof woofs about this glorious waste of taxpayer dollars in the interests of settling once and for all a "worrying" "issue":

The United States Supreme Court is going to decide whether or not to hear a case claiming that Barack Obama is not a U.S. citizen and therefore ineligible to serve as President of the United States...

Snark O' the Day: Hey! Bush Said He Was Sorry!

From Jurassicpork at Brilliant at Breakfast (Don't Say He's a Sociopath):

On ABC tonight, George W. Bush said he was "sorry" that Americans are losing their jobs and watching their 401(k) plans get fiendishly rear-ended into the next 12 dimensions thanks to the throbbing fiscal phallus of Friedman and Laffey, free marketeers to whose semen- and feces-slathered altar knelt Harvard MBA George "Fuck Everyone Including the Shareholders" Bush like a love-lorn acolyte.

Judicial Watch: Clinton Ineligible to be Secretary of State!!!!!!!!

With Judicial Watch on the case, can anything save Hillary now?  BZZZZZZT!  She's out---and on a technicality!

Gawker has the nutshell version of the underlying law.  ABOVE WHICH NO ONE, NOT EVEN HILLARY CLINTON, IS!!

Colbert: A Man Called Plaxico

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

The Word - A Man Named Plaxico

Colbert at Christmas
Colbert Christmas DVD

Green Screen
Bill O'Reilly Interview