photo by John Edwards 2008, used pursuant to CC license
by Damozel | TIME has an excerpt from her book, Resilience. I for one am so happy that she is resilient. I love Elizabeth more than ever for being resilient as well as forgiving. She's never minced words about her feelings, but she would not be a cancer survivor if she didn't know to manage them, if she relished the role of victim, or were prone to wallow in self-pity. I, on the other hand, am less resilient and therefore less forgiving toward John E. -- and, I feel, with good cause.
But first, Elizabeth.
She apparently learned of John Edwards' "indiscretion" and "dreadful mistake" on New Year's Eve, 2006, when he tried to get Elizabeth's brother to travel with him as videographer. He told them that "the female videographer" who had been traveling with him wasn't going to be doing that anymore. Afterwards, he seems to have told Elizabeth that he and Hunter had had a one night stand. "After I cried and screamed, I went to the bathroom and threw up."(TIME)
And the next day John and I spoke. He wasn't coy, but it turned out he wasn't forthright either. A single night and since then remorse, was what he said. There were other opportunities, he admitted, but on only one night had he violated his vows to me. So much has happened that it is sometimes hard for me to gather my feelings from that moment. ...
It turned out that a single time was not all it was. More than a year later, I learned that he had allowed [the woman] into our lives and had not, even when he knew better, made her leave us alone. I tried to get him to explain, but he did not know himself why he had allowed it to happen. (TIME; quoting from Resilience)
I believe that. And I suppose it's understandable that Elizabeth is inclined to blame Hunter -- who after all, violated no vows to Elizabeth -- at least as much as she blames her husband.
I love Elizabeth Edwards, and I think it is very sad for her. How could John do it to Elizabeth? I suppose we won't know till he writes his own book. No, strike that. We won't know even then. We'll only know how he sees his conduct through a filter of everything that's happened since, including his losing any political credibility for the foreseeable future (I don't say forever).
In any case, I wish them both well, but can only hope that someone else will come along to pick up where the Edwards campaign left off. The keystones for that campaign were concern for the disenfranchised, for the poor and disenfranchised, and for the ill and impoverished. American politics being what it is, Edwards' fall besmirched not only himself as candidate, but also his platform and his supporters (mocked as excessively gullible for having fallen for the pretty trial lawyer).
So what I want to know is not only how he could do that for Elizabeth -- who also, incidentally, shared his ideals and worked harder for him than anyone? -- but how he could do it to me? I believe in the same things he believes in. After his fall from viability, we're back to square one, with no strong voice speaking up on behalf of the nation's poor.
Elizabeth apparently thinks he carried on with the campaign in order to keep awkward questions from arising. That sounds pretty thin to me -- but even if I believed it, it doesn't really wash. Knowing what he knew, Edwards owed it to us and to Democrats generally to refrain from running. Knowing he had an unexploded secret in the background, he owed it to Hillary Clinton (whose husband I seem to remember him roughing up a bit over Lewinsky back in the day) and Barack Obama not to be a factor in the primaries. Etc. You've heard it all before.
While I am uninterested in sex scandals, and think the Edwards' marriage is the Edwards' business, Edwards' long-term viability as a candidate was very much my business. If Elizabeth can forgive him for his infidelity and move on, that's wonderful for both of them. What I can't forgive is his misleading his supporters about his chances in light of information he didn't share.
I don't expect Elizabeth to see it this way, but the private violation of trust is the lesser offense compared to the public one. What about the people -- I am one of them -- who saw Edwards who spent time and money they'll never get back supporting him as a candidate? What about the people who supported him partly because Elizabeth was part of the package?
I don't suppose it matters anymore, but what I need in order to move on is a personal apology from Edwards to me and to everyone who believes in his platform and who believed in his good faith. When I open my email and find it, we'll talk about moving on.
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