Posted by Damozel | Ah, the consolation. Satirist Jon Swift:
On Romney (prior to his withdrawal):
[H]e... spent only $1.6 million per delegate, which is pretty insulting to a typical Republican delegate. Democrat delegates can be bought with donuts and a cup of coffee, but Republican delegates don't come so cheap. (Jon Swift)
On McCain:
Townhall columnist Lee Culpepper believes that McCain doesn't have the character to be President. "None of us know for sure what McCain experienced during his time as a POW," wrote Culpepper. "All we know is that he survived and came home while many other POWs did not. What was it about McCain that was different?.... It's a good question.....Perhaps if McCain had not survived being a POW that would have reassured conservatives that we can trust him. I'm sure Lee Culpepper wouldn't have made it back alive. (Jon Swift)
On voting against McCain:
[S]ome patriotic conservatives have decided to become "suicide voters," pulling the lever for Clinton or Obama instead of McCain. I think this is a good plan and, taking a page from Malkin, conservatives should also vote for the most liberal candidates they can find in every contest in November. Let's hand over the entire government to the liberals and then see how the American people like it. They deserve it after treating us the way they have when conservatives have done so much for this country. And after a few years of liberal government, I'm sure they will come running back to conservatives, begging us to return to power. (Jon Swift)
On Chris Matthews' Man-Crush on Obama:
After watching Obama's victory speech, respected political pundit Chris Matthews sounded like a schoolgirl at a Justin Timberlake concert who doesn't quite understand the strange sensations she is feeling, when he exclaimed, "I felt this thrill going up my leg."....[I]t's difficult to see how Obama can sustain the level of excitement he has stirred for the next nine months as we get to know him better. As the VH1 show Scott Baio Is 46, reminds us, there comes a time in the life of every adolescent girl, and even Chris Matthews, when they peel the yellowing photos of Scott Baio they cut out of Tiger Beat off their bedroom walls and toss them in the garbage bin. Barack Obama will be 46 in August. Will Chris Matthews and Obama's other devoted disciples still have his picture on their bedroom walls then? (Jon Swift)
On Michelle Obama's Plea to Voters Not to Deify Her Husband:
Privately, many Obama advisors are also worried about a voter backlash if Obama does not manage to walk on water or raise Ronald Reagan from the dead before they go to the polls in November, and his advisors are already trying to dial back expectations just a little. Obama's wife, Michelle, pointed out in an interview with Glamour magazine that her husband has "stinky feet" and snores....But her attempts at "humanizing" her husband may be too little, too late. In fact, some Obama devotees may just see these minor human failings as further evidence of his messianic nature. When Jesus took human form, He probably snored and had stinky feet, too, but that didn't make Him any less worthy of worship. Still, it's good to know that Obama has someone talking him down to earth every night while she is anointing his stinky feet with oil and drying them with her hair after a hard day on the campaign trail (Jon Swift)
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