Maureen Dowd: Imaginary Hillary-Palin Cage Match

by Damozel |

Clash of the Titans

More from Campaign Trail Fan Fic for Mean Girls [nutshell version]. Surprisingly, I can't decide which of these two dames I hate more. In an imaginary catfight over an imaginary campaign for the presidency, I'd probably back Hillary.  I know:  I'm as surprised as you are!  In the meantime, "It’s delicious imagining the Debate of the Century between Big Mama, as Bill’s male aides called Hillary, and “Hottie Granny,” as People magazine will doubtless dub Sarah. ESPN will want in."

Here are some of the choice gibes Dowd puts in the mouths of alternate universe Hillary and Sarah. 

"As my friend Cheryl Metiva from Wasilla Bible Church said, I was more of a woman and more of a man than you...  I realized how handy the victim card can be against the press wolves. In Alaska, we just gun down wolves from the air."

"I’ve got a little news flash for you, Annie Oakley...You and John are now at war with four countries — Russia, Iran, Iraq and Afghanistan, even as Osama bin Laden has opened a storefront in a strip mall in Pakistan to make TV ads."

"You had secret energy meetings to eliminate polar bears. You’ve turned Alaska into Kuwait without the sand."

"If you think that fake sniper fire in Bosnia was bad, wait till you get a load of my hunting rifle."

"Slide out of town on that oil slick you made on the Mall. And take that Grizzly throw with you."  (NYT)

Uh-huh. 

In the meantime, to see what real-world non-alternate-Dowd-universe fantasy Hillary is actually saying about Palin as she stumps for Obama (very little, actually), look at this.   Hillary---the actual Hillary, compared to the Dowd-generated one---isn't about to get drawn into a catfight.

The absence of heavy fire directed at Ms. Palin had been expected, given a reluctance by Mrs. Clinton to turn her campaigning into a battle between two women. Yet advisers to Senator Barack Obama said Mrs. Clinton was nonetheless their best surrogate to counter the Republican ticket’s new drive to win over white working women and mothers who supported her in the Democratic primaries.....

After someone in the audience [in Tampa] yelled, “Tell us about Palin,” Mrs. Clinton replied: “I don’t think that’s what this election is about. Anybody who believes that the Republicans, whoever they are, can fix the mess they created probably believes that the iceberg could have saved the Titanic.”  (NYT)

BN-Politics MoDo Watch:

Shorter Maureen Dowd:  "Life of Her Party"

Maureen Dowd on Sarah Palin:  Fan Fic for Mean Girls (Continued)

And Maureen Dowd  Knows About Making It All About Yourself

Maureen Dowd, the Redemptive Power of Misfortune, and John McCain

Maureen Dowd:  Two Against the One

And Maureen Dowd Knows Narcissism

Maureen Dowd Talks out of her ... Ear Again

Maureen Dowd Luuuurves Obama:  The Saga Continues

Has Maureen Dowd Got a Big Swoony High School Crush on Obama?

New Yorker Cover: Maureen Dowd Gets it Right (Sort of)

Obama's Adventures Among the Working Classes

Maureen Dowd's Vicious Attack on Hillary:  Internalized Misogyny or Something Much More Basic?

Comments

[Danny]

What is wrong with her?! Get HELP Maureen. Jesus - I'm tired of the same old hate filled shit from the only woman masochist and misogynist freak I've had the displeasure to read.

Hillary aint never been called a niger!